would that I could

“Would” is an interesting word and used in certain ways can have an unintended meaning.  For example, “We would ask that you park on the north side of the building,” Implies that if the circumstances were different, we would ask that of you, but since they aren’t, well, go ahead and do whatever you want.”  Rather than say, “We would ask that you park on the north side of the building,”  say simply, “We ask that you park on the north side of the building.”  Or even better, “Please park on the north side of the building.”   

                We often hear the phrase, “I would agree with you.”  This is rather non-committal and I am often tempted to ask, “You WOULD agree with me, or you DO agree with me?  You would agree with me if I were to change my mind about it?  You would agree with me if no one else were around to hear you say it?  What is it you are saying, exactly?”

                 A popular hymn says, “Lord, I would follow Thee,” which implies, “If things were different, I would follow Thee…”  “If it were easier, I would follow Thee…”  “If I didn’t have better things to do, I would follow Thee…”  I think that word, more often than not, should be replaced with the word “will.”  It ups the level of commitment considerably from “I would if I could, but I can’t,”  to “Yes! Of course I will!”

If only...

A long while ago I started a series of posts about the English language and its demise (see posts titled “The English Monster” and “So What”).  Perhaps now is a good time to continue the series, as we prepare to start school once again.

                One of the most misplaced words in the English language is the word “only.”  A classic is “You only live once,” which, of course, should be, “You live only once” (since living isn’t the only thing one does only once).  Another is, “I only have eyes for you” Which would mean more if worded, “I have eyes for only you.”  The word “only” is an adjective and should be placed in a sentence right before the word it is qualifying.  For example, “I only have six dollars,” should be,  “I have only six dollars.” The number six is the word that “only” is describing.

                 “Only” is often misplaced in advertisements, “This sale only happens once a year” (the sale doesn’t end, it only happens?).  “You only pay shipping and handling” (you only pay, you don’t get anything?).  “You can only find it at Walmart”  (you cannot buy it there?).    

                My children had a poster in their rooms while growing up titled, “My Gospel Standards,” one of which is “I will only listen to music that is pleasing to Heavenly Father.”  You can imagine my frustration; I think it is also acceptable to “play”  or “dance to” or “sing” music that is pleasing to Heavenly Father.  I noticed that the poster has been updated and now includes, “I will only read and watch things that are pleasing to Heavenly Father.”  Where does that leave those who want to “write” or “speak” or “do” things that are pleasing to Heavenly Father? 

                And so, as you mind your Ps and Qs, watch that you put “only” only where it belongs…

Holidays

                During that shadowy time between sleep and waking, as my mind gradually enters consciousness, I orient myself to where I am and also to when I am.  I lay hold on what day of the week it is, so as to know how to approach the day; is it a school day, the Sabbath day…  I also try to grasp the time of year, the season, so as to know what I can expect from the weather.  All this wheel-turning happens in a few seconds and it usually doesn’t take long to become oriented for the day.  But I have noticed that the last year or so it has been taking longer to wrap my mind around the time of year.  And I think I know why.

                Losing  Jesse has lowered my emotional capacity to celebrate.  This is understandable as part of the grieving process.  I have not had the emotional energy one needs to decorate the house for each holiday, plan special meals for special days, share special treats with neighbors and friends.  For example, it used to be that we hosted an Independence devotional/breakfast for our neighbors each 4^th of July.  This year I did nothing but peak through the curtains after dark to see a few minutes of fireworks off in the distance.  It is not that I appreciate my country less (although I will admit I am very worried about what is happening right now), but I just didn’t want/need any more celebrating than that.

                But what has happened to me during that shadowy time each morning has taught me the importance of celebrating holidays.  Holidays are the way we emotionally mark the passage of time; they are the mile markers of our lives. Special days give us something to look forward to, and we tend to remember events in our lives according to the happenings of special days: remember that Christmas when…  that happened on Labor Day… I know it was before Halloween… 

                During this past year or so that I have not celebrated (or only minimally celebrated) any holidays it has been difficult for me to pinpoint the progress of my days and I find myself almost confused at times, “Memorial Day is coming up, no, that was last month. How come I didn’t remember that?  Oh, that’s right, I didn’t do anything to celebrate…”

                Now that I have realized these things, I can be more aware of my need to celebrate, and perhaps muster the emotional energy it takes to “rejoice and be glad.”  Perhaps, too, celebrating will help the healing process. 

quilts...

This quilt was made for a friend's new baby, born the same week as my new grandson.

 This turtle quilt was made for my new grandson, Jesse Hakan Ricks.

 This quilt was made for our recently released Relief Society president, Debbie Lapioli.  Members of the Relief Society signed their names on the back.

 These quilt blocks are just some of the ones I made to use up my enormous amount of scraps.  I made this twin-sized quilt for my granddaughter, Kaitlyn, but I think Mia has it on her bed.

 This lap quilt was made from my stash and given to Myrna Cintron as a going away gift.

 "Sea Turtles"  made for my grandson, Dallin 

Butterfly Quilt

Another of my summer clean-out-my-closet projects.  These quilt blocks I'd made years ago needed to be machine-appliqued. I chose fabric from my stash for the setting then hand-quilted the final product.  It measures 46"x56" and will probably be donated to the Horse Therapy spring auction.

Apple/pinwheel quilt

Many years ago I taught a summer quilting class, making the 6 hand-appliqued apple blocks to give my students instruction and experience in the delicate blind stitch. As part of this summer's finish-up-my-projects project, I used scraps from my stash to make the pinwheel blocks and set them all with 3" sashings, also from my stash.  Even the batting was pieced from scrap batting, making the whole project a real bargain. The blocks are 9" blocks and the finished quilt measures 38" x 50". It is machine pieced, hand appliqued, and hand quilted. Notice the 3-dimensional leaves.

teddy bear quilt

Among my many projects needing to be finished this summer was this quilt top.  Many years ago, when Jesse was in his early teens, he wanted to make a teddy bear quilt in blues. I prepared 12 blocks for him and he embroidered 2 before he got bored with the project.  A few years later I embroidered the rest and put them together in this quilt top to save for when Jesse had his first child.  Now that it is finished, I will let the grandchildren enjoy it when they come to visit, to get wrapped up in the proxy loving arms of our Jesse. 

The quilt blocks are 10" square, the finished quilt measures 44" x 58", is hand-embroidered, machine-pieced, and hand-quilted.

Jesse's Afghan

Jesse enjoyed crocheting and was quite good at following patterns and even creating his own patterns.  He made two baby afghans, lots of flowers (complete with stems and leaves), and stuffed animals (and of course the purple wizard hat). He had started this afghan for himself, when he first learned to crochet, getting about a third finished before getting bored with it and moving on to his other projects. I finished it for him and will send it to his niece, Mia. It measures 44"x58".

doll quilt

This little doll quilt (or wall hanging) is made from scraps leftover from the recent Hearts & Gizzards quilt. It measures 27"x27", is machine pieced and hand-quilted.

hearts & gizzards

This quilt is another of my summer need-to-finally-finish projects.  I made the quilt top several years ago, using the blue and white scraps left from Eli and Kira's wedding quilt.  The design is called "Hearts & Gizzards" or "Dutch Windmills" and measures 42"x55".  The windmills/hearts are hand-appliqued and the quilt is hand-quilted.

baby afghan

My summers are spent cleaning, organizing, and finishing up projects.  This afghan used up yarn leftover from an identical afghan I made for my granddaughter, Kaitlyn a couple of years ago.  Who knows who will get this one...  It is crocheted and measures 31"x39" (excluding fringe). The rocking chair was mine when I was a little girl.

Zentangle

One advantage to working at the library is I get to see all sorts of books on all sorts of subjects.  Recently a book came through called One Zentangle a Day by Beckah Krahula.  Zentangle is a fancy kind of doodling.  Each piece of art is done on a 3 1/2" square of paper called a tile.  It looked so fascinating that I ordered a copy of the book and was immediately addicted. It is relaxing, therapeutic, and very fun. Each tile can be completed in 30 minutes or so and tiles can be tucked anywhere and taken with me for any spare down time.

This is my first attempt, not a traditional tile, but a bookmark.

the accident

Jesse was on his way to Bozeman, Montana for a job interview at Deaconess Hospital.  He had finished his post graduate work in December at University of Denver and was to be hired as a psychometrist. They were looking forward to having him there and he was excited to be there.  We got up at 5 that morning, had breakfast and he left about 5:45.  I hugged him as he left then followed him out to the car for one last “I love you.”  “I love you, too.” At 11:43 in the morning, about 40 miles north of Casper, Wyoming, in slushy road conditions, his car hydroplaned, spun a complete 360 then rolled off an embankment.  It rolled twice before coming to a stop, right side up. Jesse put the car in park, put on the emergency brake, undid his seatbelt, got out of the car and put the keys in his pocket.  He did not realize he had a broken left femur. He had just passed a state trooper, who was stopped with another vehicle by the side of the road, and who saw the accident, arriving at the scene in 3 minutes. Another driver, Justin Ferguson, was just behind Jesse on the highway and immediately stopped to render aid.  Justin jumped down the embankment just as Jesse got out of the car, and asked, “Are you OK?”  Jesse responded, “Yea, I’m OK.”  At that moment, the trooper arrived and said to Justin, “Are you involved in the accident?” Justin said, “No, he is.” Both turned to Jesse, but he had collapsed.  The trooper immediately began CPR and continued 40 minutes or so until the ambulance arrived and took over.  They continued performing emergency measures, but it was to no avail.  The coroner believes the impact of the roll-over caused a break in his neck high near the base of the skull.  She knows of other cases where the individual doesn’t realize they are injured, they sit up, they talk, and then the spinal cord is severed resulting in instant and painless death. 

Although these details may seem morbid, there are so many tender mercies in the events of his death that I find great comfort in their telling.  The circumstances of his life at the time of his death were joyful; he had much to look forward to and was at a very happy time of life.  To my way of thinking, if he had to leave this world, it was a perfect time to go. He did not suffer; he wasn’t alone.  So often the victims of accidents are found after-the-fact, leaving loved ones to wonder, “What happened? Did they suffer?”  I am grateful to know, and so very grateful the right people were there to do all they could to help him.  His final words, “I’m OK” remind me that he is indeed, OK.