understanding

Over thirty years ago a friend told me that she wished most in life to be understood. I thought that was an odd thing, for it was fairly low on my own list of priorities. But over the years, probably because of many experiences with being misunderstood, I’ve come to realize the value of her yearning. Being understood is the key to being valued, respected, and even cherished. Misunderstanding fosters confusion, distance, even resentment. Knowing someone (even knowing yourself) well enough to understand them is a priceless gift, that takes time and effort, and a measure of compassion.

It reminds me of an incident with my oldest son, Nate. He began his study of the trumpet in 5^th grade through the school’s music program and with a $35 trumpet from Good Will. He enjoyed it very much and kept up with it through middle school in the marching, symphonic, and jazz bands. When he got into high school we got him a beautiful new trumpet and he started taking private lessons from one of the best teachers in the area. He progressed very nicely, becoming a fine trumpet player and musician. He was a valuable asset to the high school bands, marching, symphonic, and jazz. He had the nickname “Natedawg”.

At the band awards banquet and concert the end of his senior year, he received many outstanding local and national awards for his accomplishments in music (his name is on a permanent plaque at the school). While there was much in the way of cheers and congratulations for him from his friends and peers as award after award was presented, I could overhear several parents whispering among themselves, “Again? Who is this kid?” and “he must be the teacher’s pet”. Then came the final performance of the evening, a solo by “Natedawg” with the jazz band as back up. It was truly amazing. His tones were strong and clear, he hit those high notes with ease and perfection, his flourishes were flawless. His emotions came through in subtle nuances of gentle passion as his trumpet became an extension of almost his very soul. As the final, perfect note gave way to rousing applause and a standing ovation, I could tell that those doubts about “this kid” had given way to understanding.

Learning is the means to an end: understanding; as the proverb says, “Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”