I suppose that everyone who goes through a divorce ponders
in their own mind, “What went wrong?”
For years leading up to my divorce I always assumed my failing
relationship was my fault, that I wasn’t trying hard enough. And so I tried harder. But since the divorce, through all my
reading, studying, and pondering of the “why,” I have come to believe, or at
least suspect, that we didn’t even want the same kind of relationship. I wanted a deeply emotional relationship,
such as what I have talked about this month (and every February since I began
this blog). I think he was satisfied
with a very superficial relationship, one more like a business agreement. All too often my attempts to connect with him
on a deeper level were met with dismissal, if not derision. If he were asked, he would probably insist he
was a very good husband, and I suppose by his definition and standard he was. Yet I was starving for more than he was
willing to give, wanting an entirely different kind of relationship. While I was trying very hard to be the kind
of wife I envisioned in the type of relationship I wanted, he expected the kind of wife he envisioned in the type of relationship he
wanted. And they were two very different
things. Although by my standard I was a
very good wife, by his standard I failed miserably, he even told me so. Yet when people are courting, and they talk
about how many children they want, what kind of house they want… they don’t really talk about what kind of relationship they
want. They seem to think that it will
somehow fall into an agreeable place on its own. If you ask me, it is one of the most important
topics for discussion.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
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