Love is Appreciation

I remember a trip to my in-law’s house many years ago.  He was cleaning up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher, his daily chore since retirement.  I thought it was a lovely thing for him to do; that allowed her to relax for a few minutes after preparing and serving the meal.  But she didn’t sit down and relax, she stood right beside him, telling him where to put each dish in the dishwasher, wiping up each drop of water he let fall on the counter-top, convinced he couldn’t possibly get the job done if she weren’t right there supervising.  It made them both miserable, and I doubt the dishes would have been any less clean had she just let him do it his way and been appreciative.  When you love someone, you naturally want to please them, to do things for them to make them happy.  But when those efforts are rejected or criticized, your desires to please are replaced with feelings of, “Why try, she doesn’t appreciate anything I do.”  This can be having your carefully-chosen gift met with a half-hearted thank-you or worse, a comment such as, “Why’d you pick green, you know I hate green.”  It can be criticizing the way he folds the towels, or makes the bed, or loads the dishwasher.  It can be as thoughtless as, “Oh, don’t set a place for me, I stopped for a burger on the way home, ” as she puts a nice meal on the table.  There are many opportunities, every day, to express our appreciation for a loved one.  The more we express appreciation, the more willing others are to do those little acts of kind service.  When we say “I appreciate what you did,” we are really saying, “I appreciate you,”  and who doesn’t love to hear that!