Love is Compromise

Many years ago I had a friend who had 8 sons, all but the two-year-old were involved in soccer, some of them on more than one team.  Her husband also coached several soccer teams.  During soccer season she spent at least four hours a day in the car, taking her sons to and from their various practices and games.  She was available to see parts of only two games the whole season.  She fed the youngest son his supper in the car and he fell asleep for the night before they got home.  The rest of the family ate their supper together sometime between 8 and 9pm.  I said to her one day, “I bet you’ll be glad when the season is over.”  She answered, “Actually, they don’t stop for the winter; there are indoor arenas.  I begged my husband and sons to cut back; coach just one team, be on just one team… but they refused.”    She was paying a very heavy price, making a very significant sacrifice, to help them pursue their dreams.  Yet none of them was willing to sacrifice anything in return, or even to compromise,  to help her have her desire for a less stressful life.  Too often relationships evolve into a one-sided kind of support system, one partner crying, “You never support me!” when they don’t get everything they want, oblivious to the fact that their partner needs support, too.  I know of a wife who was struggling to cope with the day-in day-out stress of caring for her four young children.  She asked her husband for a break, perhaps he could stay with the children for an hour or two while she went out with friends.  He refused.  Not only did he have something going on every night, bowling one night, basketball with the guys another, night school… but he reminded her, “I’m not your babysitter!  If you need a break, take the kids to the zoo.”  He understood his need for breaks with bowling and basketball, but didn’t see that she also had a need.  What a difference it would have made had he been willing to compromise, give up the bowling league and let that night every week be hers to do whatever she wanted for herself.  More about support tomorrow.