Love is Understanding

Part of the difference in vision we experienced over the retaining wall had to do with our failure to understand each other.  Although I tried very hard to explain my vision of the project, he seemed reluctant to try to understand my vision, or to share with me his vision, resulting in the impasse.  Stephen R. Covey teaches this principle:  seek first to understand, then to be understood. He suggests when seeking to understand another’s position, you probe until you can explain his position better than he can. Having been understood, the other person is much more open to understanding your position, and that openness leads to common ground and an atmosphere of cooperation which will lead to a shared vision.  I was very quick to try to help him understand my vision of the retaining wall, but I suspect that had I been as anxious to understand his vision, things could have been very different.  Had I probed with comments such as, “Help me understand why you want it positioned there”  or “I’m trying to envision what will happen when it rains…”  he may have realized his vision had some problems.  Once he felt understood he may have been more willing to try to understand my vision.  My vision could have become our vision, saving him 3 days lost work, and strengthening our relationship in the process.  Understanding is the key to solving many problems and resolving many conflicts.