Several years ago one of my dear friends did something very kind for me. It is her nature as a genuinely sensitive and thoughtful person. I responded to her kindness with my deep-felt gratitude expressed in words much too inadequate. I said, “Oh, I don’t deserve you for my friend!” Her response was a kind and cheerful, “If deserving had anything to do with it, none of us would receive any kindness!”
Her words have caused me to ponder much. She wasn’t saying that we are all such poor excuses for humanity that we don’t deserve good things happening to us, but rather, she was telling me that her acts of service and kindness come from the depths of her soul, out of her goodness and genuine love; weather or not someone “deserves” it never enters into her way of thinking. I have thought about my own kindness to others; do I consider a person’s “worthiness” to receive my good will before I give it? I hope not, I don’t think so…
This idea of deserving has made me realize something about myself, though. I tend to judge my own worthiness much of the time when it comes to receiving the good things of life. I have passed up so many opportunities, even life-changing ones, denying them to myself, judging myself to be unworthy or undeserving. Things I do let myself enjoy come with a measure of guilt attached. After all, what have I done to “deserve” or “merit” the good things of life that are denied to so many others; am I any better than they? How is it that I deserve these things and others don’t? I evaluate myself when struggles come, too, thinking that I must have done something to deserve it; I am being chastised, punished…
It has taken me a long time to learn this valuable lesson: The question is not “Do we deserve the good things (or the bad) in life?” but is “Sometimes things just happen, good and bad. Will we accept the good things of life when they come to us? Can we take the not-so-good things in stride and learn from them?” The good things of life are there for the taking (and for the making), there are only three things required of us… more on this tomorrow.
3 comments:
I was in a discussion just the other day about how marketing today implies, "go ahead, you DESERVE it"! I hate the feeling of entitlement that comes with the word deserve. There is also a negative implication there; one of, "You don't 'deserve' bad things". This thought simply encourages us to fret against life's challenges--the unfairness of it!
However, life is life, it comes with good and bad. We can enjoy all good things that come our way, (and yes, even help the good things come our way as long as it isn't at the expense of others. :) We can also bear the bad. Its like knowing that if our child rides a bike, odds are they will at some point get a scraped knee. If we live many years, odds are at some point we will encounter pain and greif. But if he could (or most likely if we could handle it and still learn what we needed to learn) God would only give us good things. (stone vs bread?)
That said, you are certainly one of the good, no, GREAT things in my life and I shamelessly admit to wanting more of you and your goodness around me! Any ideas on how to make that happen???
Yes, dear friend, let's get together! You name the time and place, I'm looking forward to it...
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