mean-agers

The summer I turned ten years old my friends and I saved up enough money to each buy our first single 45 record. It was by a British rock group that was taking the world by storm. The single cost 59 cents at the drug store and was of the song “I Want to Hold Your Hand” (I think the B side was “I Saw Her Standing There”). Wow, I wish I still had it…

It was the only record I ever bought, because it upset my mother so much. She was convinced I was on the road to ruin and was horrified that I had started down that path at such a young age. I knew how she felt about teenagers. You see, I often heard her and my aunt lamenting the sad condition of my older cousins, both a little on the wild side. My mother couldn’t, wouldn’t let that happen to me and she began at an early age conditioning me not to swing my hips when I walked and other such nonsense typical of the modern “mean-ager” (that’s what she called them).

Consequently, I approached those teenage years with much trepidation, fearing that, through no fault of my own (after all, how could one just skip a whole decade of life?!?), that suddenly I would become my mother’s worst nightmare and mortal enemy… I was also receiving a mixed message; on the one hand I was encouraged to “know who you are” but on the other hand I was not allowed to find out who I am nor BE who I am… That’s what those teenage years are for. Instead of entering those years with excitement and anticipation, I entered them being afraid of myself, not knowing how to handle the emerging me, feeling a need to hide the mean-ager inside of me.

Many parents dread those years their children are teenagers. But I have found them to be a fascinating time. I very much enjoy watching my children coming into their own, watching them explore the world as emerging adults. Yes, they sometimes make mistakes, but that is how they learn and grow in their understanding of this complex world. My role is to maintain a balance as I gradually relinquish control but still maintain safe boundaries, standing by while stepping back. It is preparing them for, but not pushing them into adult life. It is letting them learn their own life lessons while never losing my understanding and compassion for them during this most important time of life. It is remembering there is no such thing as a mean-ager.