Years ago I heard the story of a young boy who wrote a complete sentence for the first time and took it in to show his mother. She was thrilled with his sentence and praised him for his good work. He then took it in to show his father, who was also very impressed, and praised him, but said, “Let’s fix the spelling on this one word.” The boy was very disappointed, not in his Dad, but in his mother. He went back to her with the question, “Why didn’t you tell me I’d spelled a word wrong?” This boy was very wise, he was one of the few who rejoiceth in the truth. He wanted honest feedback. While the praise was good, he prized the honesty more. In general, children love the truth, but we train them out of it, by either ignoring their truth (as in this example) or by our overreactions to their truths. When a child’s mistake brings Dad’s wrath, swift and harsh, it doesn’t make him make fewer mistakes, it makes him less likely to elicit Dad’s help in correcting his mistakes, and less likely to learn from his mistakes. When his needs for food or rest are dismissed by busy mother, tired of his “whining,” he learns that his needs are to be ignored, he learns to deny who he really is, because, after all, we are the sum of our feelings, needs, desires. And so, it is a very loving thing to allow another to express their truth openly, without fear of anger or rejection. And it is a very loving thing to accept another’s truth, to be grateful he trusts you enough to share his truth, to rejoice in the truth that is his.
Adult relationships also have trouble with the truth. This deserves its own discussion tomorrow…
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