Suffereth long

I have come to realize that when the scriptures say that love suffereth long it does not mean that a person needs to “suffer for a long time” to become charitable. As strange as it seems to me now, I think I did have that warped understanding of this phrase for many years, counting it a virtue, and a necessary one at that, that I suffer in a very unhappy marriage relationship. But our relationships, particularly a marriage relationship, are not designed to make martyrs of any of us. After my 30-year marriage ended I was quite surprised at the immediate relief from suffering I felt. But I was also surprised at the many women who approached me with their own stories of unhappy marriages, countless years of suffering, and their belief also that it was a necessary part of life and would, somehow, make them into charitable women. Thinking of one woman in particular, married 45 years now, makes me marvel. She told me of an incident when she had cleaned out the shed in the back yard, setting aside a few items she wasn’t quite sure what her husband would want her to do with (give away, throw away, keep, etc.). She went inside to clean up and ready herself for an appointment then went out to the yard where her husband was laying sod. She asked him about those items and he was so incensed that she would interrupt him that he drenched her with the hose. She calmly went back inside and cleaned herself up again. There were many other such incidents. But I discovered that it isn’t her suffering that has made her charitable, it is her attitude, her determination to stay positive and not let the suffering be a burden for her to bear. She did not let her husband make a martyr out of her. And now I wonder if the phrase “suffereth long” might possibly mean maintaining your dignity and optimism through the trials and tribulations of life. It is certainly a charitable person who can do that.