seeketh not her own

This phrase is another way of saying "not selfish", reminding us that part of loving is considering others' needs and desires. This comes from a genuine respect for others as individuals, as human beings, and the desire for others' welfare. But it must also take into account one's own value as a human being and respect for your own needs and desires. A selfish individual will always satisfy herself first, while a martyr will always put others first. Neither is truly loving. But a charitable person wisely balances the needs/desires of both in such a way that neither will be found wanting. Airplane safety instructions remind adults to "secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others with theirs." This is a good pattern to follow. While there may be times of crisis that necessitate sacrificing your own needs to take care of another's first, you are much better equipped to handle another's crisis when you yourself are in good shape. Often it is a matter of assessing and prioritizing the needs of many parties. While their needs may be urgent, your own need may be vital, and vital always trumps urgent.